


ghosting

by TAESTYHOSEOK



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post Break Up, Suicide, Wrote this at 2am, lovesick yeonjun, soobin is bad at feelings, you're gonna cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29130216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TAESTYHOSEOK/pseuds/TAESTYHOSEOK
Summary: you disappeared like a faint ghost, you disappeared.in this room where only echo remains,i'm wondering around alone like a ghost.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	ghosting

yeonjun awkwardly looked around the now full subway, trying to avoid glancing at the male sitting on the opposite side. although, soobin was asleep, head against the window and headphones plugged in, his presence only made yeonjun want to hide away.

fortunately, the distance between them was around a meter and a half and it saved him from the major discomfort he would have if he ended up next to him instead.

yeonjun went back to staring at his screen blankly, only then noticing which song what playing. he bitterly smiled listening to the lyrics and it felt as if he was being mocked by fate itself.

"the messages that covered the rectangular screen, tiki-taka, we were so good."

it was all the past, he should get over it. there was no point on going back to their conversations that went on for hours after midnight or the letters they sent each other once a while to express their feelings that couldn't get through simple texts.

yeonjun could remember when he was in love. the man that now sat in front of him like a stranger, one year ago used to be his everything. their relationship didn't age well.

he couldn't still understand who was at fault. they were both selfish and at some point they're communication became a nonstop chain of misunderstandings, ending up becoming a constant blame game.

yeonjun gave up on them. he stopped trying to make it work after being in denial that maybe it was really over.

his thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the subway coming to a stop, making some people standing, stumble back. yeonjun could see soobin jolting awake at the sudden movement, his face showing confusion for a second before his lips naturally pouted.

he couldn't help but stare. it had been long months since he'd last seen him. soobin's hair was longer then before and his bangs messily reached over his brows, framing his face perfectly. overall, he had to admit the man looked way healthier.

yeonjun knew soobin used to be very anxious back in the time. he lost weight during their last year together because of the stress caused by university work and lack of sleep. he did try to help him but to no avail. soobin was stubborn. he didn't want to disappoint his parents so he overworked until he passed out.

yeonjun froze as his eyes met soobin's.

the latter dropped his gaze to the floor as soon as he spotted him as if they grey surface under their feet was now interesting.

yeonjun didn't stop looking at the man who now was avoiding him. it was sad how from one day he went from loving him to death to another day just not wanting anything to do with him.

soobin was the man anyone would want. yeonjun used to consider himself beyond lucky. he was gentle, caring and soft spoken. yeonjun broke that... or that's what he believed.

yeonjun wished soobin's presence didn't affect him as much as it did. his brain seemed to be against him as some memories replayed, reminding him of what he exactly lost.

he wanted to stop mourning on their past relationships. it was hard to even open his eyes in the morning and forget that once on the other side of the bed, a certain man used to sleep and keep him warm with his embrace.

"next stop is seoul city station. please stay seated to ensure your own safety until the transport comes to a full stop."

yeonjun could see soobin grabbing his backpack from the floor, putting it on his lap while impatiently waiting. probably dying to get away from his ex.

he wondered if the man felt anything or even bothered thinking about him. did he move on? found someone better?

and that's how soobin left the now almost empty subway, not sparing a glance his way. 

some weeks later, yeonjun was working busily at the till of a convenience store where he applied to some months ago and got accepted after a long wait.

he didn't even bother looking at his customers faces as he scanned their items and tried to smile though the pain, wishing them a good evening. it was a pretty monotone job but at least he got money out of it.

he greeted the next person while grabbing their banana milk carton and pastry, getting a small flashback moment of the familiarity related to the purchase.

a mistake yeonjun made was not actually looking at the man.

he sure did when that someone asked him how much he was meant to pay. yeonjun was startled hearing soobin's voice which sounded nervous and stranded.

"o-oh... it's £5.20." he replied taking his eyes off the scanner and finally facing his ex.

"right." soobin curtly nodded grabbing his wallet and slipping the money on the till making sure no skin contact would happen.

"do you need the receipt?" yeonjun asked clearing his voice.

"uh, no." the taller man said grabbing the food.

"have a good evening, sir." he lastly muttered getting a 'you too' back.

yeonjun couldn't focus on his work during the rest of the shift, his head not processing that soobin's hair wasn't black anymore... instead it was a pretty shade of light blue that suited him greatly. 

"hey jun, do you wanna go out with me tonight?"

yeonjun sighed trying not to reject mark's not-so-slick move on the spot. he is been walking around him nonstop, brushing their hands together and invading his personal space when he got the chance.

it was exhausting.

"I'm sorry, mark. i really can't."

"you still love him, don't you?" the man accusingly pointed a finger against him.

yeonjun backed away, surprised by the sudden outburst. was the being nice act just a facade to win him over? well, too bad it didn't go by the plan.

"i don't know what you're talking about-" he tried to defend himself knowing exactly who mark meant.

"choi soobin? rings any bells? born on the 5th december, isfp, likes bread, listens to bebe rexha and... is huening kai's fiancé?" the man listed to take some kind of reaction out of yeonjun.

"h-huening's fiancé?" he spluttered trying to control his expression that showed hurt, denial and betrayal.

"yes, i follow his instagram since high school and i recently found out he got engaged." mark explained taking his phone out to show him soobin's latest post.

yeonjun felt his eyes fill with tears. no, he shouldn't be crying. he should have gotten over it and started a new life instead of waiting for him to come back.

"jun, i can only imagine how you're feeling... especially when kai was one of your best friends back then." mark put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently.

"i just don't understand." yeonjun mumbled biting his lip to stop it from wobbling.

"me neither. i was really surprised. i might have not been close to you guys but i do know you, soobin, kai, taehyun and beomgyu were always attached to each other's hip. the fact that they got engaged is just so wrong on so many different levels."

yeonjun angrily wiped his tears, agreeing with the man in front of him.

"imagine what would everyone think... probably that they were together even when you two were dating. or that they had some kind of affair. maybe he's the reason why soobin broke up with you." mark suggested trying to sound reasonable.

"i really hope not. huening was like a brother to me and i loved him dearly. i still do." yeonjun whispered loud enough for mark to hear him.

"how long has it been since you saw him? or soobin?" the man infront of him asked tapping his long fingers on the table.

"kai?i never saw him after uni. he told me he was moving to the us and that's pretty much it." yeonjun sighed.

he didn't know if he stopped talking to huening or the other way round. life just became busy and yeonjun was too heartbroken over soobin leaving him to care about anyone.

that's exactly how he lost beomgyu and taehyun.

he just blocked everyone out of his life.

his two dongsaeng did everything to get to talk to him or to rationalise his thoughts but he just rejected their calls and slammed the door on their faces.

now that he thinks about it, only regret washes over him.

"what about soobin?" mark inquired waving a hand in front of his face.

"around a year and a half. last time i've seen him was when i used to work at the scrappy convenience store." yeonjun replied remembering their last encounter.

"how long has it been since you broke up?"

it felt like an interview or worst, a counselling session with his personal psychologist or something. but maybe he did need to take it all off his chest as he lacked of friends because of his own reckless and selfish behaviour.

"almost three years."

"you should be over it." mark said as a matter of fact.

"i know." 

a few months later, yeonjun was at his parents' house when he got a sudden call from an unknown number. he usually didn't pick up but it somehow felt maybe it was important.

"hello?"

"yeonjun? is that you?"

he immediately felt the nostalgia hit him at the realisation of the owner of the familiar voice.

"yes, it's me." he stuttered out feeling weak.

"can you tell who i am?" the sound was definitely cheeky, it was glad knowing the boy never changed.

"yes. yes, i can. i would never forget someone like you." yeonjun tried to clear out his troath, eyes becoming wet.

"of course! i am the choi beomgyu, anyone would be honoured to be part of my life." he giggled reminding yeonjun of his high school life.

beomgyu reminded him of life and youth.

"i- yeah... what's the special occasion?" yeonjun asked wondering why the younger would call him suddenly out of nowhere.

"uh, right." beomgyu seemed to lose his enthusiasm at that point. "i need to talk to you about something."

yeonjun felt dread sink right into his gut.

"yes? what is it?"

"not sure if you know but soobin and kai are getting married... i wanted to invite you, i guess. it'd be nice for all of us to be together for a last time." beomgyu sounded melancholic as if he missed seeing the five of them together so much to the point he'd invite him to something that was highly controversial.

"i've heard about them. yes. i don't know the story and i am scared to even know it." yeonjun confessed.

"hyung. nothing happened between them when you two were together. when you left, huening was the only support soobin had. they comforted each other and they fell in love." beomgyu explained, taking a weight off his heart.

"oh, im happy for them." yeonjun didn't know if he felt relieved or sad.

"so, do you wanna come?" beomgyu asked almost impatiently.

"when is it? and where?" yeonjun wanted to confirm they were in the country and not somewhere overseas.

"they're getting married in seoul in two weeks." the younger said waiting for a response.

yeonjun took a deep breath and sat on his bed.

"okay, i'll be there." 

yeonjun felt paranoid and anxious. a part of him wanted to run away and the other wanted him to stay and watch the person he never got over, stomp over his heart one more time.

beomgyu didn't tell him if soobin knew of him being there. he didn't want to ruin his wedding by showing up unwelcomed.

"hyung! you made it."

yeonjun didn't even have time to react that the smaller man jumped on him, hugging him tightly.

beomgyu's embrace has always been warm and homely. even after three years, it felt the same.

"i missed you." yeonjun said as he looked at him in the face after so long.

beomgyu seemed all grown up now. he was taller and his features were sharper.

"missed you too!" the boy exclaimed dragging him by the arm to the entrance of the venue. "c'mon, tyun is waiting for us inside."

yeonjun tried not to stumble and followed the younger. the place was pretty and had a rustic feel, just like soobin always liked it. wooden tables and flowers intricate vines decorated the intern.

"the ceremony is gonna start in a bit. let's go sit." beomgyu was taking him to one of the front rows near the altar. most of the seats were already full and people seemed excited for the whole process to start.

yeonjun then saw taehyun and almost didn't recognise him. his hair was now blond and he was bulkier, probably from working out. his aura wasn't much different though.

"hi, hyung. " taehyun greeted him, motioning him to sit next to him.

yeonjun was now in between of his ex best friends, feeling lost and fidgety. he felt like it was all a dream. soobin getting married didn't feel right. this wasn't how their love story was meant to end.

beomgyu probably noticed his state and grabbed his hand, squeezing it in a reassuring manner.

"the groom is here." someone said from behind, making all of them turn around.

yeonjun felt his breath get stuck into his throat as he saw soobin in an expensive suit, contact lenses and light make up reach the altar.

he started with him mouth agape at the stunning man.

soobin took his space next to the priest, bowing at the old man and then faced the crowd.

yeonjun lowered his gaze, hoping that he wouldn't be seen. as if he wasn't on the first row.

it wasn't a surprise to see soobin meeting his eyes as he looked back up.

the man seemed shocked and confused by his presence. beomgyu must have not told him. this wasn't gonna end up well.

soobin averted his gaze, switching his expression to a more calm one, despite the situation he was in.

yeonjun felt restless.

he didn't wanna watch this. he wished he woke up and realised it was just a sick nightmare.

in the next minutes, a piano tune started playing, signaling the other groom was coming in soon. 

yeonjun could tell the melody was from a song called 'symphony' by zara larrson. it only hurt more because he used to listen to that during the sleepless nights when soobin was too anxious to close his eyes so he just played him songs and combed his hair with his hand.

fate definitely hated him.

huening stepped into the room looking gorgeous and the smile he wore lit up the whole room.

yeonjun felt a pang in his chest. it was a reminder that once that same smile made his bad days the best ones. not anymore, he guessed.

he turned back around to look at a lovesick looking soobin who was staring at the man who just entered the room. his eyes were sparkling and his face described pure love.

that was the moment yeonjun knew he had no competition. he was a total loser.

his eyes felt dry, no tears were left to cry anymore. he spent years crying and missing a man who fell in love with his best friend after few months from their break up.

as yeonjun was going through a self pity moment, huening reached the altar, holding the hand soobin held out.

"today we are here to celebrate the wedding of choi soobin and huening kamal kai." the priest started off, making yeonjun look up at the happy couple.

it hurt so bad.

he didn't hate huening. not at all. he hated himself for not being better. for not giving soobin enough for him not to leave. for not being selfless. for giving up on them.

yeonjun clutched at beomgyu's hand and closed his eyes. he tried to control his erratic heartbeat and depressing thoughts.

"hyung. do you wanna go out?" beomgyu asked leaning into his ear.

he shook his head.

it would be too obvious if they got up in the middle of the ceremony. soobin and kai would notice his broken face and probably feel only pity for him.

he didn't want to be under that kind of spotlight.

"you can exchange the vows." the priest said smiling at the two grooms.

soobin nodded and grabbed a paper that had many scribbles on it.

"i, first of all, want to thank you. you have been there for me in my worst times. i was so down that i couldn't even get up nor eat but you took care of me, nonethless."

that felt like a stab to yeonjun. right in his chest. he knew what soobin was talking about.

"falling in love with you was so easy. everything about you is so bright and your existence reminds me of the sun. you're warm, positive and kind."

and yeonjun wasn't. he was stubborn, hot headed and he loved arguing over the smallest things. he was more like a lion who wanted everything his own way.

he wasn't one to compromise. soobin had to instead.

"the first time i met you, you seemed like such a curious and ambitions kid. i thought you were absolutely adorable. i was so glad to have you as one of my best friends."

yeonjun met kai at the same time as soobin did. they were walking around the campus and a freshman stopped them to ask for directions. the rest was history.

"i promise you i will take care of you, to cherish you and to protect you until my days are over. i will do anything to make sure you're happy and loved."

yeonjun almost laughed. soobin promised him that too when he cried on his shoulder after a serious of upsetting episodes.

he guessed promises weren't meant to be kept.

yeonjun zoned out as huening read his vows, almost not caring anymore as his head felt heavy and dull. physical pain didn't even compare to what he was feeling mentally.

the priest seemed to be satisfied with the vows and looked at the crowd of people.

"if anyone would like to object, speak now or hold you peace forever."

yeonjun couldn't think straight as he stood up.

beomgyu tried to sit him back down but he didn't bulge.

soobin was currently giving him his back, letting huening be the one to see who was about to step into their marriage.

"yes, sir?" the priest asked.

"soobin. " he whispered, making the man stiffed even if he was facing away.

"you know, it's hilarious how you promised you'd take care of me, you'd be there for me but... here we are?"

soobin didn't move an inch from his position.

huening kai seemed more disappointed from yeonjun than anything. he wished the man got over his soon to be husband instead of not letting go.

"i always thought i was the selfish one but turns out i wasn't. i spend all these last years missing you, hoping you'd choose to forgive me or at least ask me how i was but you never did!" he raised his voice accusingly.

"while i cried over you, you fell in love with my best friend and... and did this to me. at least if you fell for someone else it'd hurt less."

no one dared to talk as yeonjun let the words he had in for years out.

"after we broke up, i stopped living and that was all because of you! i blamed myself every each second and thought of all the ways to apologise, to win you back but only to realise you probably didn't even spend a day afterwards thinking about me."

"i wasn't like this. this isnt who i was. choi yeonjun from the past was someone who was lively, loud and happy. after you started becoming depressed, your anxiety started to rub off of me and made me feel worst."

"you did this to me, choi soobin and i will never forgive you. live your happy life, i guess... after ruining mine."

he lastly, leaving his seat and turning his back to the couple, walking to the main door.

as expected, soobin didn't have a word to say to defend any of his statements.

yeonjun didn't feel guilty for ruining the wedding. he felt relieved he finally got to say what he kept in for so long. fuck him and kai. 

some months later, beomgyu explained to him how huening kai just told everyone that yeonjun was the psycho ex that wanted revenge and so everyone just chose to ignore the incident and continue the wedding.

yeonjun rolled his eyes.

kai must've changed then.

beomgyu started hanging out with him more, sometimes bringing his boyfriend along who was no other then taehyun.

yeonjun didn't mind at all.

he was happy to have them back and made sure to apologise for blocking them out.

beomgyu tried to find him a partner but yeonjun denied wanting one in first place. he just didn't want any problem so he was living his best life, single.

"soobin was upset after the wedding." beomgyu suddenly said while they were eating out at their favourite place.

"how come?" yeonjun asked.

"something about what you said to him." the younger replied stuffing his mouth with rice.

"i said the truth. did that sting him?"

"you know, he didn't do that on purpose. soobin was genuinely sick and stressed. he didn't mean to give you his negative vibes." beomgyu said drinking some water.

"i know but it couldn't be helped." yeonjun shrugged his shoulders.

"he apologised." beomgyu quietly added.

"he apologised... to you? and not to me?" yeonjun snorted at the ridiculousness.

"well, he told me to tell you that he's sorry." beomgyu replied.

"nonsense. if he doesn't have the guts to tell me himself, i don't want it." yeonjun dismissed the argument, finishing his food off.

weeks later after his talk with beomgyu, he received a phone call. he knew in his heart who it was, especially because he wasn't expecting anyone to contact him apart him.

"yeonjun? it's soobin."

"hey, sup?" he asked nonchalantly as if the last time they saw each other he wasn't publicly cussing him out.

"how are you?" soobin seemed hesitant to ask such kinda question.

"better. you?" yeonjun replied honestly.

"i'm okay. i wanted to apologise for giving you the first and worst relationship experience. i do understand my faults." soobin said, owning up.

"i'm sorry too for giving up and letting you go that easily." yeonjun told him, wishing to turn back time.

"that's the past now, yeonjun. we all make mistakes and we learn from them."

yeonjun didn't learn shit.

"soobin, i love you." he sounded desperate but couldn't help himself.

"i know."

"you don't understand!" yeonjun yelled. "i love you and i never stopped. i wanted you back since the day you left me."

"i know that too."

"why didn't you come back? why did it have to go this way?" he cried out, selfish and sad.

"i didn't think you'd want someone as broken as me."

"soobin, i always wanted you. i just wanted you to be happy. seeing you like that made me feel like absolute shit." yeonjun replied wiping his tears aggressively.

"im sorry it went that way." soobin apologised again.

"is there a chance-" yeonjun was getting a little daring as he asked such question.

"i'm married." soobin interrupted him. "if i was single, then yes. i'd totally go out with you again. especially after all these years in which we became more mature."

"oh." yeonjun replied feeling exhausted.

"yes. maybe in our next lifetime. " soobin smiled through the phone.

"mh."

yeonjun hang up after some time of silence. he felt helpless and no matter how long it had been, soobin wasn't leaving his mind.

what to do? 

yeonjun decided to call huening after thinking for days about his last conversation with soobin.

he didn't exactly plan on what to say or ask but he felt the need to confront him somehow.

"hello?" kai responded fairly quickly.

"huening, it's yeonjun."

the man on the other side sighed.

"what's the matter?" he asked getting to the point.

"i- uhm, congrats on the wedding." yeonjun said starting off nicely.

"thanks. seeing you was pretty refreshing." kai replied sarcastically.

"uh yeah... i should've spoke to him in private instead of sabotaging the ceremony." yeonjun scratched his neck in embarrassment.

"right. so why are you exactly calling?"

"i wanted to let you know that i still love him." yeonjun said shamelessly with no filter.

"i figured." huening replied as it was obvious.

"i want him." yeonjun continued, making kai grunt in annoyance.

"yeonjun... you can't have him- he's my husband."

"i don't care. i still can't believe you did me like that." he replied grimacing at the thought.

"i didn't do anything wrong. he broke up with you, then we stayed together for some time and fell in love." huening huffed loudly.

"bullshit. you probably liked him and took it as opportunity as soon as we broke up."

"yeonjun, im hanging up."

huening kai said tired of hearing yeonjun blabbering on and on about how much he loved soobin. 

few days later, beomgyu's bone chilling screams were heard as he found yeonjun dead on his bedside. some pills were scattered all over the floor and a note was scribbled messily, stained with tears.

i'll wait for you in our next lifetime. don't take too long.

yours, yeonjun.

beomgyu's hands trembled as he tried to wake yeonjun up somehow. no matter if he couldn't find any heartbeat or breathing.

he grabbed his phone tight and called the person he needed to be here.

"soobin, soobin." he cried out, holding yeonjun's head in his lap. "he's dead."

"what? who?"

"yeonjun." beomgyu whispered as he heard a broken sob coming from the other side.

"he killed himself." beomgyu continued, feeling his world being teared apart as he held his dead best friend.

soobin hung up and ran for his life. he knew were to find them. his eyes were burning but he didn't care. his heart felt empty and lost.

when he reached the house, an ambulance and police car were outside. soobin entered the opened door, rushing to where the paramedics were. he could hear beomgyu's cries.

his heart stopped beating as he saw yeonjun's pale body, blue lips and ghostly face. the paramedics were frantically doing an emergency cpr and getting defibrillators ready.

soobin let the tears flow.

he didn't even think he'd he alive enough to see yeonjun ever die. soobin always wished him a long healthy life.

beomgyu passed out as one of the medics gave him a medication because he was literally losing control.

soobin just stared, helplessly.

life was cruel to yeonjun. it took the youth out of him, sucked all his lively character and killed him.

a note was suddenly passed to him, he wasn't even sure who gave it to him as so many people were around him.

as he read it, he felt his throat getting tighter and the food he ate previously, came out as he gagged feeling extremely sick.

his head was spinning.

yeonjun killed himself because he wanted to be with him.

soobin watched the paramedics put yeonjun on a stretcher, grabbing a white cloth to put over his face.

"can i- talk to him alone?" he asked stopping the woman from taking him away.

they all looked at each other before nodding.

soobin took the cloth off his face and gently caressed yeonjun's cold cheek.

it took him back to when they used to cuddle for hours and enjoy their free time, in each other's presence. yeonjun was so soft and warm back then.

now he was pale and cold.

"yeonjun, i love you. i'll be soon with you. don't worry. " soobin whispered holding his hand.

"wait for me, yeah?" he asked, hoping yeonjun could hear him.

when the paramedics came back in, he left.

he ran back home, relieved that huening wasn't there. his subconscious wouldn't let him stay alive for too long after seeing yeonjun dead.

he grabbed his diary and wrote a last page, telling how he is grateful for all the happiness he found in life and all the memories he made were worth looking back at.

soobin bid good bye to his diary and went to the medicine cabinet, taking as many pills out as he could.

he swallowed them one after another, only thinking about yeonjun. 

huening kai found him dead some hours later. 

beomgyu, taehyun and kai stood side by side as the funeral went on. both soobin and yeonjun had a combined funeral as that's what they would have wanted.

huening kai spent some days blaming himself for being with soobin. beomgyu cried until he couldn't anymore and taehyun hadn't spoke a word since their deaths.

beomgyu gave his speech as yeonjun's best friend.

"yeonjun loved soobin. he would be happy knowing they'll be buried together. although i wanted to grow older with you, jun. fate had other plans. i will miss you so much and you'll always have a big portion of my heart."

huening kai told his last words, hicupping loudly.

"soobin, im so sorry. i wish you stayed longer. who will protect me now? who will take care of me? yeonjun was saying the truth... promises are made not to be kept. don't worry, i don't blame you. i just want to tell you that you really made me the happiest man on earth and you'll always be the love of my life."

taehyun refused to open his mouth. he didn't even speak to beomgyu. he couldn't. he felt like he was living in shock. his lips couldn't move nor make a sound.

they all watched their best friends being buried and their graves being adorned with flowers.

beomgyu knew he would never be able to live a normal life after that.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is honestly my first one-shot and first story that doesn't have a happy ending. i literally cried in my bed while writing this. i hope you guys liked it and if you did, i might write more 5k shots instead of long books. let me know via tiktok @heoyoorim or wattpad @taegyu_txt


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